


To Infinity and Beyond

by Waldo



Category: Stargate Infinity, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-30
Updated: 2002-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waldo/pseuds/Waldo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Wormhole X-Treme failed there was still this idea of 'plausable deniability.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Infinity and Beyond

**Author's Note:**

> So back in 2002 I accidently watched the crack that is "Stargate: Infinity" - a brief attempt to animate the Stargate Universe.

"Hey kids, whatcha watchin'?" Jack came into the rec room and flopped down on the couch next to Daniel.

"DanielJackson says that it is tradition on your world to watch fast moving inaccurately rendered images on Saturday mornings," Teal'c supplied.

"Cartoons," Daniel summarized.

"Cool," Jack kicked his feet out in front of him and made himself comfortable.

Suddenly aware that everyone was watching him, Jack squirmed. "What?"

"I think we all just want to see your reaction to… this, sir," Sam said quietly.

"Cartoons? I love 'em." Jack said, still wondering why he was being scrutinized so closely.

"You say that now," Daniel muttered as the current commercial break ended and the show resumed.

&lt;{*}&gt;

 

"I am not old! Did you hear that?! He said I'm OLD!" Jack stabbed his finger at the character on the screen.

"Technically, O'Neill he said that he is old," Teal'c corrected.

"Oh, like that's not supposed to be me. Come on! And can we talk about this guy's name? Boner? Major Boner. I mean, not only the name, but I've been demoted. Twice."

"Bonner, Jack," Daniel corrected. "Though I think I like your way better."

"Shut up," was Jack's only retort.

"And if we're making parallels here, can I just say that at least you're still a military stud? I'm reduced to an eighteen year old who actually said, 'I thought when I joined the Air Force I wouldn't have to think any more, I'd just have to follow orders.' Not to mention being eighteen. I'm already the youngest person on the team, let's not make it any worse than it is."

Jack snickered. "Yeah, and even as a cartoon you're still getting knocked around and kidnapped. Art imitates life, I guess."

"Gee, thanks."

"I am not green," Teal'c said succinctly.

Daniel about snorted his coffee. "Maybe not, but they got the whole 'left his homeworld to join the SGC and defend Earth' thing right."

"I can't figure out if I'm supposed to be the one with the pink mohawk or the mystic one. Wait," Sam cut herself off.

"I'm not sure there is a good answer to that. Whoa… I thought this was a kids' show. What's with the psychic orgasm?"

"If I get within fifty miles of that little weasel Martin, I'm gonna…" Jack let the threat hang.

"You think this is his replacement for 'Wormhole X-treme?" Daniel asked.

"This has that little weasel's fingerprints all over it! We're caricatures. I'm old and BALD. Let's not forget BALD! Martin never did forgive me for making him remember who he really was. When I find him, I'm gonna kill him. A lot." Jack scowled at the giant chipmunk in diapers that was running up to its… mother? on the screen.

"I want to know how they got our mission notes from PJ2-445," Sam added.

"Huh?" Jack never could keep track of which set of numbers went to which planet.

"Little bald, white, naked guys," Daniel supplied.

Jack squinted at the screen. "Ya know… this… plot, for lack of a better word, does bear a striking resemblance to that situation."

"I'm going to start writing my reports in Sanskrit!" Daniel announced.

Everyone turned and looked at him.

"So that if they do get leaked, they'll be a whole damn lot harder to read," he explained.

"For them and the Pentagon," Jack pointed out.

Daniel shrugged, not overly concerned with the military getting pissy with him. "They never noticed the one I turned in in Phonecian."

"You what?" Jack inquired.

"Well, I didn't want to sugar coat what I thought of some of their policies and I didn't want to get thrown off the program, so I wrote the report in Phonecian, correctly assuming that they'd never admit that they couldn't understand it and leave it alone."

"Anyway," Sam interrupted, "we might want to let General Hammond know about this. I mean, it might be a breach of security."

Daniel shrugged. "He'll probably just say what he said last time — it gives us plausible deniability if anyone ever does leak the Stargate program."

"So what… I'm just supposed to let the whole world think I'm OLD and BALD?" Jack argued.

"It's not you so much, Jack, as… well, okay, yeah it's you, but the only people who will make the connection are the ones who know about the Stargate." Daniel tried to pacify him.

"Listen, Randy, I do not need the rest of this base running around calling me Major Boner. I say we get Hammond to pull the plug on this thing."

Hammond cleared his throat from the doorway and pointed to the credits rolling on the television. "Colonel, if you could see the credits you would see that they say, 'With many thanks to the U.S. Air Force.' They have our blessings on this project. Like I said before, anyone who does decide to talk about the project to a reporter will get laughed out of the room. It's a cartoon. And a bad one at that. Could we really ask for a better cover?"

Jack glared silently at his commander.

"I'm not old and I'm not bald. And it wasn't me that made the little bald, white, naked guys sick. It was Carter's toy plane." Jack stated for the record.

"Of course, Colonel." Hammond patronized. "SG-1, you have a briefing for your next mission in thirty minutes, I suggest you leave this alone and go prepare yourselves," Hammond strongly suggested.

"I am not green," Teal'c reiterated as he walked out of the room.  Just for the record.


End file.
